Have you ever questioned yourself as a parent? Wished you hadn’t made the mistake you just made when dealing with your child? Without any training to the contrary, we often react out of what we saw growing up.

Recently, 100 leaders from 20 churches across Sri Lanka were challenged to examine their beliefs on parenting.

Sri Lanka World Without Orphans member, Alliance Development Trust (ADT), trained 100 leaders from 20 churches across Sri Lanka on "Parenting with Kingdom Values". The project, spanning three months, aims to not only train pastors from across the country but ensure the training gets embedded into the many families in their churches as well.

To maximize the reach of the training, it was vital to get influential leaders behind the message about parenting. Many pastors went expecting an ordinary training but walked away deeply impacted and with a desire to do better in their own parenting.

"I thought I knew how to raise my children but on the contrary, I realized lots of shortfalls in the way I have brought them up. As a pastor, I didn’t give my children enough of my time and I now understand how that would have affected my children."

"Every time we make a wrong move it affects the children."

"During the training I realized my faults. As soon as I went home after the training, I went and said sorry to my children (ages 12 and 19). The training will help me to engage and understand my children and the challenges they face in their generation better."

WWO caught up with these pastors who shared the impact the "Parenting with Kingdom Values" had on them.

Reverend Noel Ambrose | Global Prayer Ministries | Wattala Photo: 
WWO: Why did you attend the training? 
Ambrose: “Honestly speaking I attended the training thinking this would be another training just to tick the box, since Alliance Development Trust invited me.” 
WWO: How did the training on parenting impact you or change your thinking? 
Ambrose: “Initially I came with no expectations as my children are all grown up and I thought as a parent I have done my fatherly duties and I was satisfied with my parenting. But barely into the sessions I received answers to lots of my issues that I faced with my children. I thought those issues were normal issues any parent will face, and I dealt with it in a haphazard manner. During the training I realized my faults. As soon as I went home after the training, I went and said sorry to my children (ages 12 and 19). The training will help me to engage and understand my children and the challenges they face in their generation better.”  
WWO: Why do you think it's important to have such training?
Ambrose: “All my life as a Pastor I have focused on preaching the gospel, evangelism and other typical topics but I have never touched very deeply about family or parenting. If I had learned this earlier, I could have avoided many issues including resolving parenting issues with my spouse. With the present family climate of noncommitment and divorce these kinds of training or teachings will help couples to understand challenges and face them.” 
WWO: What problems do you see in your local community that could be helped by this training? 
Ambrose: “The current generation tends to not think of family as long-term. For the slightest problems they want to separate. They want to take the easy way out. The present economic situation and financial situation pose big challenges. Young people/couples need awareness, guidance and role models.”
WWO: How does your church plan to implement this training or how is it implementing the training?
Ambrose: “We can’t change things overnight and these kinds of things can’t be done as a program. This is a long-term investment in people’s lives, both young and old. Currently, we are addressing these topics in our bible study group, so the effects are long term. I’m ever so grateful to ADT, the pastor who trained us, and to everyone who made this possible. God Bless everyone.

Pastor James | My Savior New Covenant Church | Awissawella 

WWO: Why did you attend the training? 
James: “I came for the training because another pastor invited me to come.”
WWO: How did the training on parenting impact you or change your thinking?
James: “I am 67 years old. I have a 24-year-old son and two daughters who are 38 and 40 years old. My eldest is married and has three children. When I was listening to the sessions, I realized lots of mistakes that I had made as a parent. While I can’t change the past, I now have three grandchildren and I don’t need to make the same mistakes. This gives me a chance to teach my children even though they are grown.”
WWO: Why do you think it's important to have such training? 
James: There is lots of separation in families these days due to the fact that they don’t know the true meaning of love and they can be selfish. It appears to me that the current generation tends to focus on themselves, and their own needs and they want to have fun. Our parents taught us good Christian values and based on those values we stuck with our wife no matter what; there was a commitment. This kind of training shows the importance of family and children and why we need to stick to our commitment to the end. Unfortunately, most churches give more importance to evangelism than to training such as this.
WWO: What problems do you see in your local community that could be helped by this training? 
James: The training helps them to see the impact on their family when they refuse to give of themselves for their family and when they disregard their commitment to them.
WWO: How does your church plan to implement this training or how is it implementing the training?
James: Our church has a small congregation and has a majority of older folks who have grandchildren. Currently, I am teaching what I learned in the training to bible study groups.

Pastor Damith | House of Prayer Church | Negombo 

WWO: Why did you attend the training?
Damith: I came for this training just to participate as I had to be with my team. 
WWO: How did the training on parenting impact you or change your thinking? 
Damith: Initially I was not concentrating as I was preoccupied with my church work. But the facilitator got my attention when she started talking about the statistics of divorce and abuse in families and children in Sri Lanka after COVID. I started to take this training more seriously because I realized there is a bigger problem than I was initially aware of. 
WWO: Why do you think it's important to have such training? 
Damith: After going through the training, I came to realize as a pastor I have failed. It was pointless preaching when I also had a responsibility to make sure my church members, especially families, were looked after spiritually and mentally. This training will change family situations for the better and will allow us to put support systems in place that will help families as they go through problems and challenges.  
WWO: What problems do you see in your local community that could be helped by this training? 
Damith: I think we are seeing the lack of development in children, and I believe that a big part of this is due to a lack of commitment and perseverance with young couples. Often, young couples do not want to be advised and prefer to do whatever they want to do. They are role models for their children and if their behavior isn’t healthy, their children suffer. 
WWO: How does your church plan to implement this training or how is it implementing the training?
Damith: Our church is part of a fellowship with another church. We plan on having a half a day program and inviting some of these churches and do the training for them. We also do some of the topics in our small groups. But we need resources and more training so we can be more effective.

Pastor Kasun | Kingdom of God Church | Colombo 

WWO: Why did you attend the training? 
Kasun: I work amongst families in the urban slums, especially with children of different faiths. This place that I’m ministering is filled with gangsters and has a free flow of drugs. Most women are widowed due to gang violence and children are neglected and are drawn into a world of violence. We never had these kind parenting programs and as a pastoral team we also did not know how to deal with these kind of parenting issues. In fact, not many churches or organizations do this kind of awareness program, so when ADT held this training, my team and I gladly participated.
WWO: How did the training on parenting impact you or change your thinking? 
Kasun: I was grateful that I came for this training as I learnt a lot. As a person who is not married but works with children and youth, I am challenged all the time on how to communicate well and keep my calm, especially when it comes to showing them respect, care and love.  It’s extremely difficult to have patience with these children but if we do not teach or correct them in love the lives of these children and youth and even parents will be ruined. The training really changed my thinking and showed my weakness.
WWO: Why do you think it's important to have such training? 
Kasun: We are not educated in this aspect. Every time we make a wrong move we are playing around with a child’s future. We don’t have the finance to go for professional education in this field. We understand how important a functional family is to a developing child. If we are aware we can create awareness for others and may be able to save families in the long term. 
WWO: What problems do you see in your local community that could be helped by this training? 
Kasun: There are a lot of school dropouts due to financial problems and parents not encouraging their children. Children start to work early to support their families. They even join gangs and do contraband by transporting drugs for a quick buck which is very lucrative. They view that money as a way that you can do anything so why suffer by going to school to learn when you can earn more money this way and enjoy life. Youth get married early. Many husbands either get killed due to their involvement with drugs and gangs or become addicted to drugs or end up in jail. This leaves many young mothers to both work and look after their children. Out of desperation they turn to prostitution, sell drugs or worst-case scenario commit suicide. We need to be educated to tackle these kinds of problems. 
WWO: How does your church plan to implement this training or how is it implementing the training?
Kasun: Our team does lots of house visiting and evangelistic programs and we come across families with these challenges. Empowering them is very important. Now whatever we learnt through the parenting training we are teaching the church leaders and bible study leaders so when they meet such families, they can have a more positive impact during their visits with them. We do need more frequent training on this to stay updated. Thank you everyone for being a blessing to us and our communities.

Pastor Jagath | Gospel Tabernacle Church | Moratuwa 

WWO: Why did you attend the training? 
Jagath: I joined the training to understand whether I was doing my parental role properly. 
WWO: How did the training on parenting impact you or change your thinking?
Jagath: There was a big impact from what I was taught. I thought I knew how to raise my children but on the contrary, I realized lots of shortfalls in the way I have brought them up. As a pastor, I didn’t give my children enough of my time and I understood how that would have affected my children.
WWO: Why do you think it's important to have such training? 
Jagath: Before Covid everyone was focused on preaching the good news; there were no issues in families and whatever issues there were was covered up. The moment Covid came all the issues that were covered up issues came up and we understood how much we have neglected safeguarding our families and children. Self-centeredness has caused things like commitment, sacrifice, caring, and patience, to name a few, to vanish. I believe this training will make us go back to our foundation like God wants us to do.
WWO: What problems do you see in your local community that could be helped by this training?
Jagath: Mainly I see there is no commitment, and couples easily give up especially when they have children. They don’t understand the repercussions and serious mental trauma and hurt their children will go through. Children carry these feelings inside, and it comes the wrong way thus their childhood is ruined. 
WWO: How does your church plan to implement this training or how is it implementing the training?
Jagath: At the moment, our church bible study groups are being taught by the people who attended the training. The truth is we need more training in this aspect and also professional help to deal with issues regarding counseling, mental trauma, and suicide. I want to thank everyone who made this possible; this training opened our eyes to the need to safeguard families and children.